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Joke of the Day

"Its wrong that priests have to live a life of forced celibacy . They should get married and let celibacy come upon them the usual way."

"Morrissey has cancer I know, I know, it's serious."

"Whoever replaced my kitchen window with broken glass and hid my laptop and tv. Haha very funny. Now tell me where they are. I'm serious."

"Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets."

"What Do You Call A Cow With Parkinson's Beef Jerky"

"My wife is so educated She has a PhD in yelling sciences."

"I have an inferiority complex.. .. but it's not a very good one."

"Why does Marx's toilet play a sonata when flushed? Because of the violins inherent in the cistern."

"Dave is coming over. ""Dave Wilson or Dave who thinks he's Spider-Man?"" [loud thud on the roof] BACK DOOR IS OPEN, DAVE"

"WIFE: [walks in on me trying on Victoria's Secret] OMG ME: It's not what you think! [shows receipt] They were on sale WIFE: Oh thank God"