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Joke of the Day

"I ""accidentally"" washed my cellphone once, and my wife has never let me do laundry again.... Yeah Accident"

"Me: We should go to the gym more often. Him: I hate it there. It's like a meat market. And I'm the expired meat."

"What did the left butt cheek say to the right one? If we stick together, we can stop this shit."

"I like my women like I like my ice cream... Smooth, pale, cold, and recently extracted from a freezer."

"""Dad"" said Fred to his father who was a bank robber. ""I need $50 for the school trip tomorrow."" ""OK son"" said his dad ""I'll get you the cash when the bank closes."""

"What did Cinderella say when she sat on Pinocchio's face? Tell me a lie. Tell me the truth. Tell me a lie. Tell me the truth. Tell me a lie..."

"What does a racist get for their birthday? KK-cake"

"When life gives you lemons, worship the elder Gods. Take candy from a baby. Drink from a trough of blood. Who cares? None of this matters"

"[Crime scene] Detective: the victim was high af when he died.. you could say it was *takes off sunglasses* D: blunt force trauma"

"I would totally surf a tsunami. If I didn't get nauseous on water. And if tsunamis weren't dangerous. And I knew how to surf."