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Joke of the Day

"My roommate called to tell me our apartment was inflamed... ...so I told him to give it some ibuprofen and put it to bed."

"I was going to tell a Nirvana joke, but... Nevermind."

"A little bird told me that 5 Hour Energy shots can cure hangovers. Not sure I can trust a talking bird while on acid, though."

"If you think human beings have evolved a lot. Look at how much Egyptians worshiped cats. Then go look at Facebook for about 10 minutes."

"What did one snake say to another ? Hiss off !"

"Son, your mother and I looked at your browser history. Frankly, it's not pretty. Do you for real need a walkthrough for Call Of Duty"

"In our wedding, I'll invite his ex and be like ""Still believe you can get him back?"""

"What is the difference between a camera and a sock? One holds photos The other holds five"

"Did you hear about the constipated math teacher's problem? She worked it out with a #2 pencil."