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Joke of the Day

"[at work] CW: Hey, I found your Twi... Me: *jumps out window* CW: ...Twinkies."

"What's the difference between acne and a priest? Acne waits until you're 13 before it comes on your face."

"Where do Dutch sheep go at night? TO SHLEEP! :D"

"I was going to go as a worthless piece of garbage for Halloween... ...but then I realized I go as that every day of the year."

"Pavlov is sitting at a bar... ...when another patron walks in and a bell on the door rings. Pavlov stands up, says, ""I forgot to feed the dogs,"" and leaves."

"""Owen, you must hide this baby, at all costs, from Anakin Skywalker."" ""Okay. Should we continue to call him Luke Skywalker?"" ""Seems fine."""

"The girl I have a date with tonight texted and said 'I have no gag reflex ;) ' So I guess that means I'm taking her to a Nicolas Cage movie"

"Why aren't there any British Communists? Because communists believe all proper tea is theft."

"Islamic Settlers of Catan Everytime you get a sheep you also get wood"

"I lasted an hour and 15 seconds in sex yesterday. thanks you daylight savings"