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Joke of the Day

"Me: *[pulls back shower curtain] ""Dinner will be ready in 10 minutes"" Him: ""Who the hell are you and should I be scared?"""

"When the machines finally take over, prepare yourself for Pope Prius the First."

"What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet? A holy terror."

"if men fall asleep directly after sex . . . why is it so hard to catch a rapist? -Jimmy Carr p.s. never high five a rabbi"

"Anyone watch story on the news about the corduroy pillows? It's making all the headlines."

"This year's presidential election is like 69ing someone... ...no matter who comes out on top, you'll be looking at an asshole."

"What does a flamboyantly gay Gingerbread man do when he gets angry? He ginger-snaps. http://i49.tinypic.com/22gqk7.jpg"

"What's better, Google or Yahoo? Let's Google it."

"What do Bernie Sanders and the Statue of Liberty have in common? Common people sent both of them pennies to help build a foundation for liberty."

"I tried suing Amtrak for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case."