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Joke of the Day

"Why didn't the engineering student have a good relationship with his professor? There were too many truss problems."

"Sex is a dick activity... ...though I like to shorten it to a-dick-tive."

"New Facebook technology can identify faces with 97.25% accuracy, and then ask you if you want to tag that statue in the background."

"I hope I die alone. I mean, you'd have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you."

"Be specific when saying ""BYOB"": [bursts into house] Hey, I brought beers! *7 pastors wives shut their Bibles disapprovingly*"

"Who was the best financier in the Bible? Noah. He floated his stock while the whole world was in liquidation."

"Just had a kale and quinoa salad and now my name is Autumn and I braid my hair and drive a Subaru."

"Sue: I'm off to the hairdressers, what sort of cut would make me look beautiful? *giggles* Stan: A power cut."

"[OC] Alright, here's my new year's resolution... Stop being late"

"How does a Japanese chihuahua say hello? Konichihuahua"