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Joke of the Day

"How does a Japanese chihuahua say hello? Konichihuahua"

"Your mom... ...is so fat she always follows her gut."

"(On phone) Him: I just ran a marathon in under four? Me: (eating) months or years?"

"Name That Tune My school had a ""Name that Tune"" activity for the staff, and they had sound trouble so there was silence. I shouted out ""John Cage!"" and no one laughed."

"What's long and hard and screws people? An exam."

"[Lab] Co-worker: ""Where's all the microscope oil and acetic acid?"" Me: (with a mouthful of salad topped with vinaigrette) I dunno."

"My mom likes to play a version of 20 Questions called 500 Really Stupid Questions."

"There's only two types of people in the world; people who think they can categorize everything, and people who are not morons."

"What's the difference between a cactus and a BMW? I've never stuffed a BMW up my rectum."

"*installs google translate* *looks at Arabic tweets for jokes to steal* *finds half my tweets doing better than mine*"