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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend told me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt. So I fucked her 3 times and punched her in the face."

"Is the volcano mean or nice? He was mean because he interrupts. (Courtesy of a family member - Benjamin)"

"The letter I takes up less room than the letter W yet they're both counted as one character. If Twitter was an Airline this wouldn't happen."

"I'm going back to my surgeon to get my dressing changed tomorrow. Or, to put it another way... I'm seeking redress from the man who cut me."

"Did you read the novel about the US drug epidemic? The heroin gets abused."

"I've decided I'm not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I'm sorry."

"*sees a babe about to walk through a puddle* ""No no, allow me"" *gets on hands and knees and drinks the entire puddle so the babe stays dry*"

"So embarrassing when you compliment a lady on her large belly and it turns out she's just pregnant."

"I once asked my friend why he only had a step ladder. He told me ""I don't know, I never knew my real ladder."""

"What is the process for a terrorist kidnapping? Well, first Demascus, then they Baghdad!"