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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between ""ooooooh""and ""aaaaaaah""? About three inches. "

"""Daddy, are vampires real?"" ""No, sweetie. Go back to bed."" *waits until daughter is asleep* *grabs red Sharpie* *draws 2 dots on her neck*"

"What should you do if you find a witch in your bed? Run!"

"A man walk into a doctors room with a frog hanging out of his ear. ""What on Earth happened?"" The doctor said, surprised. ""I don't know, it started with a boil on my arse."" the frog said."

"My nephew is in the 'why' phase of his life as a 6 year old... and I told him 'Because it feels nice and you're an unreliable witness!'"

"Cop: Know how fast you were going? ""55?"" Cop: Faster. ""217."" Cop: Um, no, 72. ""24?"" Cop: I already told y- ""Negative 6?"" Cop: Get out."

"Whenever I see an account with a persons full name I always check to see if they're famous or stupid"

"Why did the priest cross the road ?? To screw in the children that were crossing the road"

"Why did the baker have dirty hands? Because he kneaded a poo."

"dishes laundry vacuuming dusting me *Things that won't get done today."