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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the steak that had too much sodium put on it? It was assalted"

"I like my whiskey as I like my women. 12 years old and mixed with coke"

"just ran into my high school biology teacher. she said ""i figured you'd have cured cancer by now."" then i washed bird shit off her tahoe"

"A woman found out her husband was cheating on her. ""Herman, I can't believe you did this. Why?"" ""Well, my name **is** Herman, not Yourman."""

"I don't know why there's such a stigma on masturbation. I find that it really comes in handy."

"Peter Jackson just found a postcard JRR Tolkien wrote his nephew in 1938. He's turning it into 22 nine-hour films."

"Why did the mexican push his wife off the cliff? Because he wants tequila. Literally."

"Why can a T-Rex not touch his toes? Because he's extinct"

"An Asian boy come home from the doctor and he tells his dad... Son: Dad the doctor said I'm allergic to bees Dad: That good, now you can only get A"

"This hating of people that breastfeed in public really has to stop. I can raise my cat any way I want."