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Joke of the Day

"I've just achieved a week and counting without Reddit! I just had to tell you guys of my accomplishment!"

"Why did the thieves get caught after robbing the Louvre? Cause they didn't have the Monet to get Degas to make the van Gogh."

"My parent trap worked perfectly. I now have five parents."

"What does a Spanish dog say at the marina? Bark-o."

"Never try to kill a termite with a napkin. It'll only get bigger."

"I just want to love someone half as much as a dog loves anyone"

"My ex-girlfriend made a really great cake the other day Getting her legs to fit in the oven was a real hassle, though."

"What do you call a group of alcoholics with the same name? Alcoholics synonymous."

"If you have a six-pack and a friend drinks five of your beers, what do you have left? One less friend."

"Sometimes I like to play God and just ignore everyone when they talk to me."