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Joke of the Day

"Life with me is like a box of chocolates. You never know when you're going to get the crazy one filled with arsenic."

"Q: What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards? A: A receding hare-line."

"""sir, can i ask why you're smoking TWO huge blunts?"" ""officer, I'm..."" *turns to camera* ""double jointed"" *cop starts breakdancing*"

"Him: Will you marry me? Me: omg what did I do, why don't you want to have sex with me anymore?"

"This unit not available for individual resale. -tattoo on a retired prostitute's back."

"Where do Irish people go for breakfast? Drunkin Donuts"

"I never judge people by the color of their skin. That's fucking stupid. I judge them by their cell phones."

"The gym called... He said he needed to be picked up"

"What did the left bum check say to the right bum check? He said ""If we stick together, we can stop this shit."""

"Hey, remember when Dick Cheney told Sen. Leahy to go fuck himself? Yea, just wanted to refresh your mind."