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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a musician and a suicide bomber? A musician wears his heart on his sleeve. A suicide bomber wears his spleen on your shoes."

"What's at the centre of No Man's Sky universe? A refund. credit to /u/xROSSTHEHOSSx (saw it on another post as comment, thought it deserved own post)"

"ME: Mint choc chip ice cream, pls. I got my own cone [places it on counter] EMPLOYEE: This is a traffic cone? ME: You must be new here."

"""Mommy, I don't want to see grandma today!"" ""Shut up and keep digging."""

"It's funny how different the Clintons turned out... One has a stick up her ass and the other is trying to put his stick in everyone else's ass!"

"How did you know that the janitors were dating? They were caught sweeping together."

"What do you do to an aggressive vegan? Shove your meat in their face."

"If they could bottle how good it feels to take off your bra, that would sell for more than any expensive wine."

"After record breaking single day sales at Chic-Fil-a amid the same sex controversy today CEO of Jack in the Box Ted Fuller said he ""hates Jews and Mexicans."""

"Wondering why ""cuck"" has become the new insult of choice among basement dwellers and neck beards? They finally found an insult that can never be used against them."