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Joke of the Day

"In was in a bar the other day. The barman said ""I see your glass is empty. Do you want another one?"" Why the fuck would I want 2 empty glasses?"

"What does a Chicago police officer and a professional skateboarder have in common? They both shred footage. (*be gentle, it's my first time.*)"

"What is formed at the end of mitosis? My nailses"

"Why do computer programmers spend so much time in the shower? The directions clearly state: ""Rinse, lather, repeat"""

"Do you know why beer goes through your system so fast? Because it does not have to stop to change color."

"What's your crappiest Pick-up attemp? Me: ""Hey, how much does a polar bear weights?"" Her: o.O ""Wut...idk"" Me: ""Enough to break the ice, I'm NuComer, how you doing?"""

"Say ""beer can"" with an Australian accent. You just said ""bacon"" with a Jamaican accent"

"How did Michael Jackson get food poisoning? He ate a 10 year old wiener."

"What will Ryan Lochte say if he looses ""Dancing With the Stars""? ""I was robbed"" Sorry, that just came to me like a stroke of idiotic genius and I couldn't help myself."

"Reddit is like sex A well-placed thumb makes all the difference"