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Joke of the Day

"I still remember when everyone wanted their phone to be smaller. Now that we can watch porn on them, everyone wants them bigger."

"Ten years ago I gave up alcohol and women... it was the worst 20 minutes of my life. -George Best"

"If you're suicidal and experience time backwards, then you're in luck! The only way you can commit suicide is by getting in some pussy."

"With all of the experience The Fine Bros have... I wonder why they didn't see this reaction coming."

"Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 is getting released for the second time in Iraq. They're renaming the game to The Sims 5."

"What do you get when you cross a Rat and a Mountain Climber? Nothing, you can't cross a vector by a scalar. EDIT: changed multiply to cross."

"""Do you have any children?"" Hannibal: ""Freezer. Bottom, right."""

"I'll take a Friday the 13th over a Monday the 13th every single time."

"You tell me to ""walk a mile in your shoes"" but the second I break into your house to steal your shoes, you call the cops. Make up your mind."

"A blond is driving to DisneyLand... She sees a sign saying ""DisneyLand left"" so she turns around and drives home."