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Joke of the Day
"On my birthday, my family tried to surprise me with a car But they missed."
Next Joke
"Whenever a guy named Stephen tells me what to do, I like to yell, ""you're not my real hen!"" and run away..."
"Watching a sex scene with my parents is so awkward. My mom is such a bad actress."
"If you're not part of the solution... ... you are part of precipitate."
"Other silverware probably hates the large spoon that wears skinny jeans, Keds, and thick rimmed glasses. Nobody likes a hipstirrer."
"How I Want To Die I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the four other passengers in his car."
"I'm allergic to chickpeas. Any time I eat them I falafel."
"Did you hear about the rivalry between the ice cream shops in Texas and Mexico? It was the Battle of the A'la Mode."
"Protip: If you're walking in your office taking deep breaths because someone made popcorn, don't forget to stop as you enter the restroom."
"Did you hear about the dyslexic who tried to commit suicide? He jumped behind an oncoming train."