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Joke of the Day

"So a circumference walks into a restaurant... ...sits down and orders a bowl of diameter ice cream. The waiter asks, ""You want pie with that?"""

"Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella everywhere he goes? Fo' Drizzle!"

"I don't believe in ghosts. They're always lying to me."

"ladies, call me a badly designed excel spreadsheet because my D column is unnecessarily large"

"Netflix suggested I watch my kids."

"What's the easiest way to end a friendship? Just asking for a friend"

"I am fairly well educated, but not 'knows every nuance of the English language' educated. I also have no idea what 'nuance' means."

"Heard the one about the three blondes that went ice fishing and didn't catch anything? By the time they cut a hole big enough for the boat to fit in it was time to go home."

"If my children are any indication of how much I talk, I would now like to apologize to any man I've ever dated...EVER"

"Why did Charles Darwin become a scientist? He was just playing to his strengths. It was really a natural selection."