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Joke of the Day

"The Katy Perry song that goes, ""You're hot and you're cold,"" was actually about a microwaveable burrito."

"Monsters won't stop chasing me. I don't wanna play today dammit!"

"Your mummy joke Your mummers so fat when she put on a beqeny everyone screams Godzilla"

"My diet this week consisted of 6 cheat days"

"People always say, ""Its the little things in life you treasure""... But whenever I'm naked, girls always laugh."

"""I want to get drunk in public."" ""Me too but on pancake batter."" ""If only there was a way to solve both problems."" -The Origin of Eggnog"

"What do tight pants and a cheap hotel have in common? No ballroom."

"United States: There's 5280 feet in one mile. Rest of the World: What even is that? United States: Lol, we made it up."

"The faster I type in my password, the more secret agent-y I feel."

"Why did Microsoft skip Windows 9? Because... Windows 7 8 9."