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Joke of the Day

"Autocorrect changed smell to spell but you know what? Your spelling is horrible too."

"I put a black hole in my living room. It's great. Really pulls the room together."

"Why does Santa have such a big sack? He only comes once a year."

"I've never wished death on anyone. It's the absolute *last* thing anyone should have to go through."

"What do you get from a Hebrew genie? A coupon for 10% off three Jewishes"

"If Apple makes a car, There won't be any windows in it."

"Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you."

"I make apocalypse jokes... Like there's no tomorrow"

"There are 4 million battered women in the US. But I like mine plain."

"I too found a safe at work and tried opening it... Bank security guard fired at me and police arrested me. It was not safe for me."