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Joke of the Day

"Asked exterminator if he chose the bug life or the bug life chose him. In the ensuing silence I assume he imagined me dying by fumigation."

"Who is the scientist's favorite zombie? The schrodinger cat."

"What's the worst thing about banging a girl with a cold heart? The rest of her is cold too."

"Q: How many Leos does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None: A Leo would order somebody else to change it."

"When someone farts... Guy 1: What'd that asshole say? Guy 2: Just talking shit."

"Never underestimate the power of a hug. Or a slap upside the head. Whatever works."

"The past, present, and future walk into a bar It was tense."

"An app.. An app that reminds you, no matter how ugly you are.. someone far far away wants to bang you. -Twitters new slogan"

"The letter I takes up less room than the letter W yet they're both counted as one character. If Twitter was an Airline this wouldn't happen."

"I bet the first gay Transformer will morph into a Prius."