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Joke of the Day

"The past, present, and future walk into a bar It was tense."

"My kids teach me something every day. Today my 1-year-old taught me how much plumbers cost per hour. Who flushes a potato?"

"Difference between outlaws and inlaws? The outlaws are wanted."

"Sometimes I wonder about those old mattresses in the alleys, the stories they could tell. The ones about me are lies of course."

"What did the Israeli Prime Minister who can't say the word ""and"" say about candy that caused such a hubbub? Mike Ike's are my least favorite."

"Pessimist: This can't get any worse. Optimist: Yes it can!"

"I am single by choice. Choice of 2 billion women."

"some babies are born premature but i was born very mature i just came out and i was like so what"

"The inventor of the toilet must've had a rough time at his presentation. ""Oh here comes Gary with his poop throne idea"""

"The best part of being a girl is not having to open doors. If I approach a door and a guy isn't there I just take a nap til one shows up."