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Joke of the Day

"*Police bust through door* -QUICK FLUSH ALL THE SUGAR -WAIT, WHY!? -I DON'T KNOW, THEY DO IT IN THE MOVIES!"

"Just ran outside in a t shirt & panties to save a bird from my cat's mouth. My kid thinks I'm a hero. My neighbor wants to have drinks later"

"90% of life is just having the courage to show up. The other 30% is just checking the math."

"I was asked earlier today on my view on lesbian relationships. Apparently in ""HD"" was the wrong answer."

"My Somalian friend asked me the other day... If I had ever tried Somalian food. ""No, I've never had any,"" I said. ""That's all right,"" he said, ""neither have Somalians."""

"An elephant never walks into a bar He only drinks to forget"

"*Makes joke on Twitter* *5 Retweets* *Makes same joke on Facebook* *5 comments from aunts saying that the joke was inappropriate*"

"What kind of dog can jump higher than a building? Any dog. A building can't jump."

"I like women how I like my eggs... Whites only"

"My new French girlfriend hates it when I pull her hair during sex. She says it makes her armpits sore for days."