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Joke of the Day

"DAVID ATTENBOROUGH: Sadly, this male's efforts to prepare a nest for mating are all in vain [me crying on top of a half-put on fitted sheet]"

"What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common? They share the same middle name."

"What's the difference between a faggot and a freezer? A freezer doesn't fart when you take the meat out!"

"What is a dead giveaway someone has no idea what they are doing? They have an engineering degree."

"Since the invention of the smart phone, how many times have you clicked a desktop icon once and waited for a response. Ok, just me?"

"How many retards does it take to push a bus? Just one. They're retardedily strong."

"How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, but how they got in there I will never know."

"What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean? Nobody pays to have a garbanzo bean on their face."

"I used to work at a calendar store But they fired me for taking a day off."

"My girlfriend left me 6 weeks ago because she thinks I'm immature. Now I'm all alone on Christmas day and crying my eyes out because Santa didn't come."