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Joke of the Day

"So, the KGB walks into a bar... ...and they start, uh... they... I, uh... I don't know. I didn't see *anything*; I swear!"

"some terrible part of me is perpetually close to just making and selling artisinal customized tamagotchis & bein real pretentious about it"

"Time machine jokes aren't funny, you guys. My great grandson dies in a time machine crash."

"If I were to have an affair I'd make sure to have a signed prehumptial agreement."

"Why Did The Blind Student Get an F On His Paper? He didn't sight sources."

"Did you know 60% of all Asian men have Cataracks? The other 40% drive Mitsubishis."

"My dad just had thought surgery and i asked him if he could still talk he said yes, and i'm about to email the doctor to see if i can get my bribe back."

"What mammal dies after it mates? Anyone that goes near my wife!"

"This headline stunned me- ""Mars to reduce carbon emissions"" Until I realized it was the candy maker ... and not the planet."

"Mirror mirror on the wall, can I call you Jim or something cuz I'm not saying mirror mirror on the wall every time. That's just ridiculous"