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Joke of the Day

"My daughter wants to know when the hamster we ""planted"" in the garden will start growing."

"Let's claim some underground tunnels and start a new society where staring at our phones isn't considered rude and eye contact is weird."

"In the beginning there was nothing... Then God said ""Let there be light!"" And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better. Edit: Credit to Ellen DeGeneris."

"Hey, did you hear about the Mexican-Indian twins that just moved in next door? They're identical too! Once you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal."

"Why does Thanksgiving feel like a date with Bill Cosby? You wake up 3 hours later drowsy and wondering why you feel like you just got stuffed with dark meat"

"What satellite TV provider does ISIS use? Daesh Network"

"Your first car is a lot like anal... ...you don't really want it but your stepdad gives it to you anyway."

"That's it! q o poq nq I sl s s"

"What do terrorists and the England football team have in common? They will never win"

"Looking for a nice, wholesome girl I can bring home to mom. She only dates nice, wholesome girls"