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Joke of the Day

"What do you call the nicest guy in the hospital? The Ultra-sound guy..... Who covers him when he's not available? The hip replacement guy!"

"I spilled coffee on my laptop. now it won't go into sleep mode.."

"july 4th is my favorite holiday bc i can practice my Friends theme claps every time a firework explodes without anyone noticing"

"On my deathbed I'll be so glad I watched tons of tv & didn't travel."

"I stay up at night worrying about what happens to the unquestioned Jeopardy answers."

"I had this great joke about Thor... but thinking about it now, it's actually really low key."

"""You're so cold, I wished you would just disappear!"" His temperature then dropped to 0 Kelvin and he disappeared"

"You can't get AIDS from a toilet seat unless you sit down before the other guy gets up"

"The lesson of Halloween is that pretending to be something you're not will lead to a sweet reward."

"I just called up the phone company and put em on hold. Every 5min i come on an tell them how important their business is to me. Please hold."