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Joke of the Day

"Wind chimes. Something I've never purchased. Can't see myself saying, its too quiet, you know what'd be nice? Noise."

"I went to the doctor and he said ""don't eat anything fatty."" I asked "" no bacon? No burgers?!"" To which he replied ""No fatty, just don't eat anything! """

"It seems unfair that I'm bad with names but great at remembering every grotesque meaty neck I've ever had to wait behind at an airport."

"[twirling my bra above my head like a helicopter and it gets stuck on the ceiling fan, im launched thru window into neighbors yard] me: hey"

"What's the similarity between a mobile phone and a clitoris? Both turn on with the touch of a finger and every cunt's got one."

"I hate w.hen my period comes early"

"Donald Trump is a Mac user... He's not a fan of PC culture"

"Hitting the snooze button... ... Is just starting your day off with a nap."

"What do we want? A CURE FOR PARANOIA When do we want it? WHO WANTS TO KNOW"

"What is musical and handy in the supermarket. A Chopin Lizst."