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Joke of the Day

"I married a kleptomaniac... She stole my heart."

"Q. What is the fastest way to get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A. Wave at her."

"I'm very serious about my cereal. I'm all about that Life."

"I'm not ashamed to say that when I saw everyone was getting these new ""selfie sticks"" for Xmas I thought it was some new fantastic deodorant"

"Why did God give men penises? So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up."

"It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that's just for the alcohol."

"The police caught me while I was spraypainting graffiti. I tried to deny it, but the writing was already on the wall."

"I had a balloon with the reddit logo on it and I put it on the nozzle of a can of helium. It blew up pretty fast."

"idiot blind person What is the difference between someone who is so dumb he doesn't know how to open his eyes and the sun. The sun is bright enough to see!"

"What happens when you put the energizer bunny's battery's in backwards? He keeps coming and coming and coming."