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Joke of the Day

"New Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan TV show. Two and a half kilos."

"I wish Gene Wilder was still alive today... He'd probably be ecstatic knowing one of his oompa loompa's grew up to be president :')"

"Don't you just hate it when you BP red wine on a white tablecloth? [New verb. Make it so.]"

"How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, it's a hardware problem"

"Why was the divorce lawyer pro-gay marriage? Because any marriage is good for business!"

"Twitter's still doing that thing where I'm not funny."

"Whats green and can kill you if it gets between your teeth? A tractor"

"""There's no '1' in ' team.'"" - guy who wrote ""Se7en"""

"The hostess said to sit wherever I want, but the couple at this table are giving each other weird looks and have totally stopped talking."

"What is a wolf's favourite dance move? The Shuffle ... pack of wolves."