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Joke of the Day

"It Only Gets Worse As An Adult, Charlie Brown"

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"Ask your doctor why there are claw marks on the wall. Ask your doctor to stop growling. Ask your doctor to stop climbing and smelling you."
"What do you call an electronic bowl? Ebowla"
"Girl, you remind me of an alarm clock... ...you were a good idea last night but now I just want you to shut the fuck up"
"How many ""friend-zoned"" guys does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll just compliment it and get pissed when it wont screw."
"*turns up to a yoga class in full Master Yoda costume* ""Oh dear. Misread the flyer, I have."""
"Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday."
"Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there what are you taking for it? Pupil: I don't know teacher. What will you give me?"
"Where does Google and Apple get their weather information? The Cloud."
"A friend of mine died from a sore throat... ... Th**e**y hung him!"