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Joke of the Day

"Cannibals probably instagram pictures of their next door neighbors."

"Just turned off porch light and saw a moth take off flying towards the moon. Good luck buddy, if you make it back, sell the story to Pixar."

"What's Michelle's favourite vegetable? Barackoli (I'm sorry I'll leave now...)"

"Where does a homosexual Southerner live? In dick-sea land"

"You know that chick who said, ""Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?""... Yeah, well I ate her."

"There once was a man from Nantucket... ...who started a poem then said ""fuck it."""

"What's black and fills out welfare forms?? A pen, you jerk."

"I make out with guys that wear Abercrombie & Fitch cologne because it rubs off on me & I love how it smells, but shopping there is SOOO gay."

"I switched my kids to almond milk. Whenever people ask me if I think it's healthier I tell them ""Nah, I just got tired of them asking why their picture is on the back of the milk cartons."""

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just 1. It's offensive that you thought this was a joke."