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Joke of the Day

"im leavin the united states now that trump is president i am packing my bags and moving to alaska i don't wanna live in this country anymore"

"Like a radiologist researching sausage digestion, I tend to see the Wurst in people"

"How do you reuse a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the shit out of it!"

"Licked a frog once. He didn't turn into a prince but he did turn into an ambulance ride."

"Fried potatoes Mashed potatoes Baked potatoes Twice baked potatoes Potato chips -if Bubba grew up on a potato farm instead of a shrimp boat"

"Why did the scale not wear any of his shirts? Because they all had a tare ^^^I'llseemyselfout"

"Me: My weight is up. I really hate winter. Him: Don't be discouraged. You'll bounce back in spring once you shave your legs."

"You know that episode of Friends where Joey tries to speak French? That's what I hear when watching the State of the Union Address"

"Love how dog food commercials advertise tastier formulas like that matters when deciding what to buy & feed a pet who eats its own vomit."

"My friend told me it's impossible to avoid cops But I know there's waze."