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Joke of the Day

"""Mmm..I love your cooking darling."" That's the male equivalent to a fake orgasm."

"Golf is a lot like taxes - you drive hard to get to the green and end up in the hole."

"I just bought some ""ribbed cotton tank t-shirts"" at WalMart. You'd think that'd be the one place on earth they'd call them wifebeaters."

"[meeting aboard the ISS space station] Capt: all personnel are-David sit down please Me trying to open a window cos it's stuffy: in a minute"

"Roses are black Violets are black It's late at night I didn't pay the electric bill."

"Talking about your ex makes it sound like you're not over them. Hide their body and move on like a normal person."

"A friend was complaining about how hard it is to cook eggs sunny side up... I told him to put a lid on it."

"Roses are red, Violets are Blue. I have one mom, Kylie Jenner has two."

"Spell check changed ""important"" to ""impotent"" so basically I have a meeting in the morning that can't get it up."

"A man went to the vet for advice to curb his racist dog that kept barking at his Asian neighbour. ""Muzzle him"" the vet advised. The man paused, and exclaimed, ""could be, he does have a big beard"""