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Joke of the Day

"My friend told me I wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. I told him I'm not a tool or in a shed. Sure showed him."

"Therapist: So why doesn't the marriage work? Wife: My husband uses to many Star Wars puns Husband: Divorce is strong in this one"

"Me: hello, police? I think I'm living with a murderer! Last night, she came home with a body... Crap! She just came in. Cat: *meow*"

"Remember when we thought ""Any kid can grow up to be President"" was a good thing?"

"Baby you are like a white dwarf star.... Extremely hot but not very bright"

"What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? [NSFW] Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A: A hooker can wash and resell her crack."

"I used to hang out with a guy who was covered in mushrooms. He was an all around fun guy."

"I'm going to open a French-Vietnamese restaurant serving fake noodles.... I'll call it Faux Pho."

"[Couples counseling] ""It's not good to keep these things bottles up, you know"" Okay, fine *opens jar of wasps*"

"A woman gets hit by a car... looks like she got to see how the Mercedes Benz"