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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a Lamborghini and dead babies? I didn't lose my virginity in the back of a Lamborghini."

"Got caught talking to myself today. So I pretended I was a tree until they walked away."

"Someone explain why clothes are so expensive? I should not have to pay this much to not be naked. People should pay ME to not be naked"

"Sir, your wife was stabbed ten times, but the missing piece is the murder weapon. So far we have nothing, Mr *checks notes* Scissorhands."

"Why can't a blonde dial 911? She can't find the eleven"

"[date gets back from the bathroom] those batman toys in the tub are so cute! How old are your kids? ""kids?"""

"What's Santa's favourite heavy metal band? Sleigher"

"He-Man wasn't gay. He was just uninterested in Teela and was very good friends with a man named Fisto."

"The Republicans have been in control of the house for 2 hours and unemployment is still 10%. Is it too late to change?"

"Height of noise Two skeletons having sex on a tin roof and using a can for a condom"