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Joke of the Day

"A senior partner with a herniated disc limps into a conference room Coworker 1: ""I feel like the world's moving in slow motion"" (pause) Coworker 1: ""Oh wait, it's just Charlie"" (motions at partner)"

"What do you call a hot guy , who instantly becomes super hot? Sick, he definitely has fever."

"Whats the difference between a fridge and a vagina? A fridge doesn't fart when you get the meat out."

"ProTip: Make sure heated seats are off before putting your purse on them...lipstick melts."

"Hot guy just walked up to me and said I was pretty so naturally I pulled out a Sharpie and drew a star on his forehead."

"How did the farmer deal with the stubborn sheep's wool? With shear willpower"

"Girl, are you a homeless horse? Because you look unstable."

"Why did the Cell Tower Cafe get bad reviews? Because the service was horrible."

"Happy ending massages don't count as cheating... Women pay to have their cars washed for the same reasons. It takes too long, my arm gets tired, and I get my gym shorts all wet."

"""Oh no. This sucks. I'm gonna put it in a movie."" - hundreds of directors while watching 9/11, apparently"