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Joke of the Day

"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments."

"Just recorded the baby crying so I can play it back to him while he tries to sleep later to see how he likes it..."

"Why did the US citizen cross the road? To cross the border into Canada."

"""911, what's your emergency?"" Hi i need to report a kidnapping. My son is taking a nap in my room right now."

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? (snicker) *You don't know?*"

"Sockets What did one socket say to the other? Stay grounded."

"Newspaper and IPAD I told my girlfriend to get me a newspaper. ""Don't be silly"", she replied. ""Borrow my iPad."" .... That spider didn't knew what f***ing hit it."

"How many germans does it take to change a light bulb? One, we have no time for humour."

"The hotel has a live band and my favourite song is ""We're going for a break now, we'll be back later""."

"I'm 82 and I have the body of a 25-year-old supermodel. But it takes up too much room in my freezer... any suggestions?"