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Joke of the Day

"Just recorded the baby crying so I can play it back to him while he tries to sleep later to see how he likes it..."

"NSFW. What do you get when you mix a rooster with peanut butter? A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth."

"Remember those morons that protested civil rights reform in the 60s? If you're against gay marriage, that's how you'll look in a few decades"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! C-2 ! C-2 who ? C-2 it that you don't forget my name next time !"

"Q: What is a dentist's office? A: A filling station."

"This speech will be very hard for Hillary Clinton... She isn't getting paid for it"

"FLOTUS is an unfortunate acronym, like something left in the toilet bowl."

"Sometimes people suck the life out of me like there's a prize at the bottom."

"I'm what you might call 'internet pretty', meaning I'm really your dad."

"What did the evergreen tree say to it's love interest? ""Oh, how I pine for you!"""