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Joke of the Day
"""Moo."" - hipster sheep"
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"When asked why he swallowed so much jizz, Rod Stewart would only say: ""My heart can't tell me no"""
"What's black on the outside but yellow on the inside? Ninja chicken."
"I hate Housework!!! You do the dishes!! You do the Laundry!! ...and then 6 months later you have to do it all over again!"
"[phone rings in 1984] ""Eric get the phone"" Hello? ""Tell em I'm not home."" She's not home. ""Ask who it is."" My mom wants to know who this is."
"A chef, a clockmaker, and a thief walk into a bar, but the bartender says he doesn't get the joke. They all say, ""It's okay, these things take thyme."""
"When people ask me ""Plz"" because it's shorter than ""Please"" I tell them ""No"" because it's shorter than ""Yes."""
"I asked the librarian for a book on the Ebola virus. She said, ""It's in Siera Leone at the moment, but it should be here within the next few days!"""
"What happens when you drink food colouring? You dye a little on the inside."
"Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there's an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien."