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Joke of the Day

"""That's Superman, that's Batman, and that's Cyborg. If you won't call them by their names, I can't play with you anymore."" - me to my 5yo."

"I had really loud unprotected phone sex last week Now I have hearing AIDS."

"Today is your reminder that April Fool's is exactly 9 months away. Time to start preparing your pranks and jokes. Especially if that joke is a child."

"Why is there a bucket of shit at an Italian wedding? To keep the flies off of the bride."

"According to WebMD, given my symptoms, I died 9 years ago."

"What do you call someone with no arms or legs? Jeffrey. Knock knock, Who's there? NOT JEFFREY"

"How do you know that you are a redditor? I'll tell you tomorrow."

"What do you call a deer with no eyes? No ideer. What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, no nose, and no ears? Still no ideer."

"A company testing on animals just got sued for testing a chapstick on horses that made their lips burn off. They called it neigh-balm."

"What did 0 say to 8? hey, nice belt!"