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Joke of the Day

"Febreze commercial: ""Now we remove her blindfold and..."" *has panic attack, stabs camera man, vomits, jumps out closed window*"

"What Time Is It? Its time for lunch."

"How many ADD kids does it take to change a lightbulb? Wanna ride bikes?"

"How selfish am I? Circus peanuts and black licorice are my favorite candies just so I never have to share."

"The Internet is like alcohol, it gives people courage."

"Why did the rope go to jail? Because he was knotty"

"I've just started a band. Were called Missing Cat might of even seen the posters for us."

"[rap battle] Opponent: *crushes it* Me: Oh, I... umm. I thought this was something else... *hastily hides plastic wrap behind back*"

"What's the best kind of vegetable to bring to a party? A turn up"

"God doesn't close a door without opening a window. God's house must be drafty as fuck."