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Joke of the Day

"Sharing your faith on Facebook is like sharing a fart in a elevator. It might feel nice to come out but no one really wants to hear it."

"I wish I could remember how the hell I ignored people before I owned a cell phone."

"Why do sailors use liquid soap? It takes longer to pick up when they drop it."

"Everyone in my class is autistic What else would ya expect in the Hahvahd School of Aht and Desahn?"

"""It's our third date and you still wear that shirt?"" Honey, this all they have in prison."

"{Text} Me: Come home soon baby, I'm dressed like Leia.. Him: So turned on, I am.. Me: If you show up dressed like Yoda it's not happening"

"How do you know that the Invisible Man doesn't have any children? Because he's not apparent."

"Two guys talking ""Tell me , have you ever been awakened by a blowjob?"" ""No ,i always sleep with my mouth shut."""

"I told my girlfriend two sentences ""We need to buy a new car."" ""I am thinking about taking a break."" She started crying. I mean, she could have just said she didn't like that type of cars."

"So I Tattooed a $100 bill On my Peter so my woman always has money to blow!"