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Joke of the Day

"*grandpa walks in with a bearded man in a plaid shirt & skinny jeans* ""uhh grandpa who's that?"" ""my hip replacement"""

"Who do patriotic latinos talk to? You ese."

"I met a really unfriendly Christian outside the church the other day. Told me to call him Mr Bale and shut the fuck up during filming."

"Eventually the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphs."

"No one is listening until you fart."

"NSSSA -National Stutter Association."

"A barber applied for a scholarship at the barber's academy He didn't make the cut"

"[Justice League HQ] SUPERMAN: Looks like Batman is hungry tonight MOTHMAN: [visibly sweating] I think I'll just fight daytime crimes"

"My girlfriend got her car smogged, and suddenly I wondered about Middle-earth; Do Hobbits ever need to Smaug their cars?"

"I saw your girlfriend kissing another man... - And what she was wearing? -- A White and Gold dress. - Oh she is not, my gf is wearing a black and blue dress"