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Joke of the Day

"A couple in the bed. ""Let's do it, goodbye Virginity!"" ""I'm not sure, what if I get pregnant?"" ""You won't, I'm sure"" ""Promise me you won't, John"" ""I promise, Chris"""

"Instead of a post-workout protein shake I have mashed potatoes and gravy and instead of working out I have mashed potatoes and gravy."

"My girlfriend just texted me this: Babe,myspacebarisbroken.IneedanalternativeASAP! Anybody know what 'ternative' means?"

"Deja vu is just God fixing a typo and reposting."

"Horse detective stood in the rain and looked out to sea. He thought about justice and fate. He thought about her. He thought about apples."

"I assume guys who wear their phones on the hip do so because their pockets are stuffed to the brim with condoms and girls phone numbers"

"Why should you never take a swordfish out to dinner? Because you'll get stuck with the bill, and if you don't have money to pay the restaurant will call the cods on you. Fin."

"Me: how long are you gonna sit there picking your nose? I tried to be polite but this is absurd Potato Head: I want to look good on my date"

"I make breakfast for my new boyfriend. ""How do you like your eggs? I like mine *fertilised*."""

"How do you know adam and eve weren't black ? Ever try to take a rib from a nigger ?"