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Joke of the Day

"What do you do when an angry pack of clowns confronts you and tries to fight? Go straight for the juggler."

"[describing criminal to sketch artist] ""No, no his nose was a bit more avant-garde than that. His eyes suggested he'd lost a ladder."""

"I know all the subjects of Hillary Clinton's emails, ask me anything [Deleted]"

"Remove all the poles if you don't want me stripping, Mr. Bus Driver."

"What do white girls and Prime numbers have in common? They can't even.."

"""What're you in for?"" ""I had a solid tweet *takes drag off cigarette* and no one faved it. I just lost it."" ""We've all been there, brother."""

"Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor."

"I like the word ""panties"" so much I'm going to start using it in place of ""cool."" Friend: Check out my new car! Me: Oh man, that's panties."

"Day 19, I have successfully conditioned my master to smile and write in his book every time I drool.- Pavlov's Dog"

"Instead of being buried or cremated, I've arranged to be liquidized. I'm not going to a funeral if I can't get drunk."