99350

Joke of the Day

"What do you call a stag with his eyes gouged out no eye deer. What if he's in the path of a car? Still no eye deer What if he's mid coitus too? Still fucking no eye deer"

"An old Chinese saying: If the dog is barking, you didn't cook it enough."

"How do you answer the question ""What's new?"" without sighing really loudly first?"

"I had so much sex... and I was so sexually drained, you could say I was fucking retarded."

"Don't believe anything a weatherman says until he takes off the jacket and rolls up the sleeves."

"I wonder if anyone ever looked Jesus in the face and saw a piece of toast."

"ROOMMATE: While I'm away, can you get some mice to feed my pet snake? ME: Sure [later] ME [to mice] Come on fellas, pls just cook something"

"Two guys walk into a bar the third one ducks"

"Did you ever hear about the vegan, the atheist, and the crossfitter who walked into a bar together? I don't know how you haven't heard about them, they told everyone."

"Why does Stevie Wonder smile all the time? No one told him he's black."