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Joke of the Day

"I fell asleep at 3:45. My 5yo woke up at 6:30. Use protection, young people."

"I always yell ""I'm not masturbating!"" when someone knocks on my office door so they know I'm not masturbating."

"I have a Russian driving instructor. He tells me to ""Putin to 1st"" but i always end up Stalin."

"I once met an Asian with excellent grammar... So I said, ""Wow, your grammar is so good!"" And they replied, ""No.....my grandma's dead."""

"TV sitcom idea: Wacky copy editor who yells ""nailed it!"" even when he didn't, also he's alone as mankind was obliterated by a viral pandemic"

"Why do Canadians prefer their jokes in hexadecimal? Because 7 8 9 A."

"I don't answer unexpected knocks on the door in case it's the beginning of a very polite Zombie Apocalypse."

"What's the difference between ironman and ironwoman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command."

"I'm a optimist ...at least I think so"

"Found my son and his GF naked in his room, Sex-ED is so advanced. Now, they also give homework!"