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Joke of the Day

"A neutron walks into a bar. The neutron asks ""how much for a drink?"" The bartender replies ""For you, no charge."""

"What do you call an alligator that wears a vest? An Investigator"

"I can't fall asleep/So I think of some haikus/I should go tweet one!"

"32. Never married. No children. nnI'm the last single friend standing! I win!nn*This message brought to you by whiskey and self loathing."

"Nothing says ""We have no faith in our own products"" like using a 16 year old girl in your anti-aging cream commercials."

"""Bye, losers."" *puts on motorcycle helmet and sunglasses* *rides unicycle into an elevator* ""Can you push the button for the lobby please."""

"[creation] GOD: Alright guys, please read the sex manuals I've provided RABBIT: Oh hell yeah STUD HORSE: Ah nice PRAYING MANTIS: What the f"

"I'm so glad they released a patch for my car The windshield was starting to get buggy."

"What do you call a baby born at 4 months gestation? Doesn't matter, still born."

"WAITER: can i take your order? HER: *looks at lobster tank* i'll take that one ME: *looks out window* i'll take that pigeon"