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Joke of the Day

"""I'm going to show off my new belt by tucking in my T-shirt"" -Men over 50."

"Whats more bruised than an old apple? My asshole after a night with Caitlyn Jenner"

"""There won't be humans in 500 years. Enough people choke themselves when they jerk off we gave it a name. We ain't a species made to last."""

"*slides into home plate and crowd goes wild* Hey everybody, be quiet for a minute! *pulls out phone, dials number* Hi mom, I got home safe."

"They should call Jupiter JEWpiter Because its a gas planet."

"(NSFW) Let's have a bet Let's have a bet. When I grow up, I'm gonna be a good dad. If I am a good dad, you will give me a million pounds. If I'm not, I'll beat the shit out of my kids, deal?"

"I really needed something positive in my life so I finally got tested."

"I have this fun drinking game where you take a drink every time you'd like one because you're an adult and you can make decisions yourself."

"How I view dogs: Beagle, German Shepherd, Poodle, Pitbull, Labrador. How I view cats: Cat, cat, cat, cat."

"Chuck Norris went down to the crossroads just to pimp-slap the devil."