9907
Joke of the Day
"My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food"
Next Joke
"*Texts* Can I come over bae? I need you. <3 *Gets reply text* DUDE, STOP CALLING ME THAT. I'M YOUR DEALER NOT YOUR BAE. BRING CA$H!"
"Removing make-up or as I like to say, Resetting face to factory settings."
"How does the man on the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it"
"OMG THIS ACTUALLY WORKS! 1. hold breath 5 mins 2. die"
"True story: Surgeon: Did someone fart? Silence Surgeon: I need to know if someone farted. I may have perforated bowel. Med student: I farted"
"""Yeah, those black pants are okay. They just need a little something. Hang on.."" [rubs up against your leg] ""that's better"" -cats"
"Saw a sign that said ""piso mojado"" and all I could think about was . . how that piso just came here to do the work Americans pisos don't want to do."
"Just once, I'd like to see a cactus that isn't flexing."
"How do you comfort a grammar nazi? Their, they're, there."